I've been struggeling with a bout of the black dog over the past week.
Bursting into tears over nothing or near nothing and sitting on the floor with the tears streaming down my face is no fun.
Currantly sitting on a wooden floor, curled up listening to Dido.
I guess that doesnt really help does it.
Ugh.
i have a headache and feel like puking.
You don't want to know this do you?
Too bad. Take the good with the bad or get out.
Wishing she could dry her eyes on Raven wings.
-Morgan
Friday, March 11, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Stay out of my territory
I learned something about myself this week.
I'm a very territorial female.
I can't stand girls even looking at Him. I get very upset when His female friends leave items of clothing behind. Even if its just a little jacket, sitting on the lounge chair.
Only I get to leave clothes here.
It's like I'm a dog finding another dog's scent in my yard.
I can literally feel my lower instincts bristling fur, and raising hackles.
And if they stay the night...
He's a gentleman who gives them the bed while he stays on the couch.
I might not live there, but its my bed too.
I changed those sheets. I washed them. I put them on again. I broke them in.
There is nothing worse than finding other girls hair on the pillows.
The sheets smelling wrong.
The knowledge that someone else was in my den, my nest, my place of lust, love, comfort and rest.
It makes me grind my teeth. It will set me against other girls I might have been able to be friends with.
I find myself stalking them on fb, watching their comments, seeing if they say anything to Him.
If He tells me I don't have to worry, that He is faithful, I trust Him, and my brain can override the lower instincts that want to claw and growl and kick up a stink.
But it won't stop the instant disliking I will take and keep for the female. I will grind my teeth quietly, hate her to myself, and fantasize about doing something terrible to her. Even if she is just a friend and not after Him. (Not that I often believe that)
Nothing works to prevent this. Nothing. Not previous friendship, not pity for their situation, not anything.
It's something that just happens.
Deep down, I'm just an animal, who wants to keep what's hers.
Growling from underneath Raven wings
-Morgan
I'm a very territorial female.
I can't stand girls even looking at Him. I get very upset when His female friends leave items of clothing behind. Even if its just a little jacket, sitting on the lounge chair.
Only I get to leave clothes here.
It's like I'm a dog finding another dog's scent in my yard.
I can literally feel my lower instincts bristling fur, and raising hackles.
And if they stay the night...
He's a gentleman who gives them the bed while he stays on the couch.
I might not live there, but its my bed too.
I changed those sheets. I washed them. I put them on again. I broke them in.
There is nothing worse than finding other girls hair on the pillows.
The sheets smelling wrong.
The knowledge that someone else was in my den, my nest, my place of lust, love, comfort and rest.
It makes me grind my teeth. It will set me against other girls I might have been able to be friends with.
I find myself stalking them on fb, watching their comments, seeing if they say anything to Him.
If He tells me I don't have to worry, that He is faithful, I trust Him, and my brain can override the lower instincts that want to claw and growl and kick up a stink.
But it won't stop the instant disliking I will take and keep for the female. I will grind my teeth quietly, hate her to myself, and fantasize about doing something terrible to her. Even if she is just a friend and not after Him. (Not that I often believe that)
Nothing works to prevent this. Nothing. Not previous friendship, not pity for their situation, not anything.
It's something that just happens.
Deep down, I'm just an animal, who wants to keep what's hers.
Growling from underneath Raven wings
-Morgan
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