Some people might ask their talking 8-ball when they want answers to questions no one can answer.
I ask the D20. (A twenty sided dice for those non-gamers out there)
So I was bored, and had the silly idea of asking the D20 some questions while I was waiting for the others to get to the gaming table and settle down.
Now when some people ask their 8-ball, or tarot cards, or their eraser with yes, no, maybe written on the sides (who didn't do that in school?) they like to ask out loud.
Now I think that if I'm asking the Universe questions, it's because it's omnipotent, it will know what I'm asking if I just think it.
If it's not omnipotent, then why am I asking it? Besides, I don't want the whole world to know what I'm asking. This way I can ask in a room full of people and what the dice rolls only means something to me. They don't even know I'm asking anything, I could just be warming my dice up.
So the questioning of the dice went like this:
How do I look today? 13
How do I feel today? 9
Am I going to do well in game tonight? 10
Then I got a little more personal, a little more specific in my questioning.
Are me and Him going to work out? 1 ...well fuck.
Are me and Him going to last long? 20 Well maybe we'll enjoy it while it lasts.
Am I going to make Him happy? 19 That's good.
Is he going to make me happy? 5 Bollocks.
Are you telling me the truth or just messing with me? 10
Should I stop asking the dice questions? 20.
And that was that. Do I really believe what the dice had to say? I dunno. It refused to say whether it was telling the truth. But even if it had, I don't really believe that the future is set in stone.
Perhaps asking those things and receiving those answers will make those answers come true. ...or perhaps see those answers will make me determined to change them.
Only time will tell.
Testing the wind under Raven wings
-morgan
Monday, February 21, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Passing out
So recently, at Martial Arts Class, I participated in my first actual sparring contest.
I was up against a guy who was almost twice my size and definitely twice my strength, so I was, fairly doomed from the beginning. Despite this I put up the best fight I could, landed some strikes, escaped a grasp, but inevitably he got a grip on me and put me in a headlock.
In about five seconds, things started getting dark, but being the stubborn little bitty that I am I refused to tap out. Five more seconds later in the act of trying to elbow him I passed out.
It was quite an interesting experience. During the time I was passed out it wasn't like the time went missing like some people say its like when they pass out. I had sort of a dream. The first words out of my mouth when I woke up and found the Sensi's face looking down at me anxiously, informing me I had passed out and asking if I was okay were: "I had a dream"
The dream was this:
I was lying down on something comfortable, like a bed or a couch, in an fairly open room, something like a large lounge room. Whatever I was on was at side of the room. Somehow I knew this without seeing anything, my eyes were firmly, but comfortably closed.
I didn't remember that I had been in a fight. I knew something had happened to me, but it didn't matter what, because I was safe and being looked after, and knew that I was going to be okay. I was so comfortable and so happy, like I had no worries in the world. I have never felt so reassured and cared for ever.
To the left, there were some a other beings in the room. I got the impression that they were humanoid, no idea why. They were a little while away from me, talking to each other. There were at least three in the group talking, but there were also a couple of others passing though the area.
I couldn't quite hear what they were talking about. It could have been me, but I couldn't tell. I just couldn't quite hear what they were saying. I was trying to hear, but not too hard cause I was feeling content.
If I had to put a time on how long this went on for I would have said at least three minuets, maybe longer. Probably longer. I had apparently only been out for 10 seconds.
When I first opened my eyes I was slightly annoyed and a little disappointed, I had been happy and I had wanted to hear what they had been talking about.
Some people I talked to think this may have been a near death experience. Perhaps. Perhaps the three beings talking were my guardian angels deciding to send me back.
I don't know. What I do know is where ever I was I felt very good. More peaceful than I have felt since I was very small. But I know enough not to try to go back. Instead I will do my best to remember that feeling and bring it here in times of fear and stress.
Enjoying the breeze from passing Raven wings
-Morgan
I was up against a guy who was almost twice my size and definitely twice my strength, so I was, fairly doomed from the beginning. Despite this I put up the best fight I could, landed some strikes, escaped a grasp, but inevitably he got a grip on me and put me in a headlock.
In about five seconds, things started getting dark, but being the stubborn little bitty that I am I refused to tap out. Five more seconds later in the act of trying to elbow him I passed out.
It was quite an interesting experience. During the time I was passed out it wasn't like the time went missing like some people say its like when they pass out. I had sort of a dream. The first words out of my mouth when I woke up and found the Sensi's face looking down at me anxiously, informing me I had passed out and asking if I was okay were: "I had a dream"
The dream was this:
I was lying down on something comfortable, like a bed or a couch, in an fairly open room, something like a large lounge room. Whatever I was on was at side of the room. Somehow I knew this without seeing anything, my eyes were firmly, but comfortably closed.
I didn't remember that I had been in a fight. I knew something had happened to me, but it didn't matter what, because I was safe and being looked after, and knew that I was going to be okay. I was so comfortable and so happy, like I had no worries in the world. I have never felt so reassured and cared for ever.
To the left, there were some a other beings in the room. I got the impression that they were humanoid, no idea why. They were a little while away from me, talking to each other. There were at least three in the group talking, but there were also a couple of others passing though the area.
I couldn't quite hear what they were talking about. It could have been me, but I couldn't tell. I just couldn't quite hear what they were saying. I was trying to hear, but not too hard cause I was feeling content.
If I had to put a time on how long this went on for I would have said at least three minuets, maybe longer. Probably longer. I had apparently only been out for 10 seconds.
When I first opened my eyes I was slightly annoyed and a little disappointed, I had been happy and I had wanted to hear what they had been talking about.
Some people I talked to think this may have been a near death experience. Perhaps. Perhaps the three beings talking were my guardian angels deciding to send me back.
I don't know. What I do know is where ever I was I felt very good. More peaceful than I have felt since I was very small. But I know enough not to try to go back. Instead I will do my best to remember that feeling and bring it here in times of fear and stress.
Enjoying the breeze from passing Raven wings
-Morgan
Monday, February 14, 2011
St Valentine's Day
So, it's Valentines day once again, and my opening blog shall be thoughts of this.
Is this day a day that is really necessary to celebrate, or even healthy in the long run?
Everyone makes it such a big deal whether they are alone or in a couple. Those alone either have to spout how proud they are at being happy while alone, or commiserate at how alone they are.
Couples, they hold hopes that their partner will remember or get something they like, and either are delighted or disapointed. Joy and misery all piled up everywhere, and flamboyantly plastered all over every social network, making them look like some sick bipolar meeting of love and heartbreak and loneliness.
It's one day same as all the rest, why do we have to attach such hope and horror to it?
Just cause it was great last year doesn't mean its gunna be great this year and just cause it was a train wreck last year doesn't mean its gunna this year.
Why does everyone care so much? Its a generic love day.
The kinda of dates I remember are: 'First time we kissed' dates, and 'The first time I stayed the night' dates.
Personal, special, different for every couple, every relationship, that way the next girl or boy doesn't have to collect your last relationships valentines day baggage.
Today is a day I prefer to ignore. It's just hard when the rest of the world insist on making it a big deal.
So tonight, I toast all the non traditional days in which we celebrate love and curse the commercialism and close-minded trend-followers and traditionalists that make Valentines day a day about couples love, rather than about the broader meaning of the word, that includes friends and family as well.
To me, that would be the only way to redeem a generic celebration of love.
Wishing she was hiding under Raven wings
-Morgan
Is this day a day that is really necessary to celebrate, or even healthy in the long run?
Everyone makes it such a big deal whether they are alone or in a couple. Those alone either have to spout how proud they are at being happy while alone, or commiserate at how alone they are.
Couples, they hold hopes that their partner will remember or get something they like, and either are delighted or disapointed. Joy and misery all piled up everywhere, and flamboyantly plastered all over every social network, making them look like some sick bipolar meeting of love and heartbreak and loneliness.
It's one day same as all the rest, why do we have to attach such hope and horror to it?
Just cause it was great last year doesn't mean its gunna be great this year and just cause it was a train wreck last year doesn't mean its gunna this year.
Why does everyone care so much? Its a generic love day.
The kinda of dates I remember are: 'First time we kissed' dates, and 'The first time I stayed the night' dates.
Personal, special, different for every couple, every relationship, that way the next girl or boy doesn't have to collect your last relationships valentines day baggage.
Today is a day I prefer to ignore. It's just hard when the rest of the world insist on making it a big deal.
So tonight, I toast all the non traditional days in which we celebrate love and curse the commercialism and close-minded trend-followers and traditionalists that make Valentines day a day about couples love, rather than about the broader meaning of the word, that includes friends and family as well.
To me, that would be the only way to redeem a generic celebration of love.
Wishing she was hiding under Raven wings
-Morgan
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